Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?

Never did I ever think I’d experience this scenario. When I did, I hadn’t even heard of the movie with the same title. Maybe if I had, it wouldn’t have been so traumatic.

While in college, I spent my sophomore year studying in Sweden. Since all of my classes were in Swedish I was truly immersed in the language and culture. It was an unforgettable year… something I would highly recommend for every young person. Not only was I living the Swedish lifestyle, but I was introduced to classmates from all different countries and walks of life… a truly unique experience!

Upon returning home to the town I grew-up in, I found a job as a data entry processor. All of my work colleagues were older than me, yet they welcomed me… “The College Kid”, with open arms. One employee named Patrick, was from Nigeria. He had come to the States to study at a local university and was working at this company to pay for his studies. He was intelligent, kind, and quite interesting. It was fascinating to talk with him about his home country, especially since I’d traveled abroad and felt more “worldly”, due to my year overseas. I’d come home with a new perspective on life and was interested in learning as much as I could about people from different backgrounds.

One day, while enjoying a stimulating conversation, I asked him if he would like to come to my home for dinner. Thinking only of this man as a kind and interesting person from another country, it didn’t dawn on me to tell my parents he was black. To me, he was a great guy whom I wanted to share with my family.

During dinner, the conversation was stimulating and the food was delicious. My parents seemed to enjoy talking with Patrick and, of course, so did I. Before Patrick left, he and I agreed to meet at one of the local lakes for an evening walk.

After his car was gone, my parents sat me down and said, “Carol, we’d like you to know that we don’t believe in interracial marriage.” “What does that mean?” I asked. “We don’t think it would be good for you to marry someone with a different background than ours.” Oh, my GOD! Really? I thought to myself. My parents were devout Christians. I was raised, I thought, to be accepting of all people. However, now I was seeing my parents through different eyes… they were judgmental.

I didn’t know how to respond to their opinion. I sat stunned for a minute. Then I said, “I wasn’t planning on marrying him. In fact, I wasn’t planning on dating him… we’re just friends. I just thought it would be nice for all of you to meet. He’s a great guy!”

Shortly thereafter, I drove to the lake to meet Patrick. As we strolled around the lake, I told him what my parents said. Tears started to well-up in his eyes. This response was not the response I was expecting… I didn’t know he had feelings for me. He replied, with tears rolling down his beautiful cheeks, “If I could turn my skin white, I would.”

My heart went out to him as we hugged each other. It was then, that I realized he had more feelings for me than I knew. Unfortunately, because of what my parents said to me, I knew I’d never be able to allow myself to fall in love with him. We could be friends, but I had to keep him at arm’s length. My parents had drawn the line in the sand for me...and I, like the obedient daughter, didn’t allow myself to love him more than a friend.

In 1994, I found Patrick deceased in the garage of his townhouse. His living space looked as if it had been ransacked and the circumstances around his death were questionable. My parents came to my aide, immediately after I called them. They supported me 100% when it came to dealing with the police investigation, and stood by my side at the funeral.

Over the years, my parents grew to love Patrick. He was “adopted” into our family and shared every holiday with us. Patrick’s love for us, his American family, warmed my parent’s hearts. They were able to see his inner beauty and grew to love him. Every year, he sent flowers to my mother on Mother’s Day, and joined us for every family gathering.

Years later, quite frequently, my mother would tell me how loving Patrick was to our family. She apologized for telling me, when she met him, that she and my father didn’t believe in interracial marriage. She explained that times were different when I was 21. Life would have been difficult for me if I married a black man. Our cultures were different, society was not accepting, and she didn’t want me to experience the judgment of strangers.

For me, until his dying day, he remained the beautiful, loving soul, I met when I was 21 years old.

~This was another difficult story for me to write. The last thing I would want someone to think is that I'm blaming my parents for giving me the advice that changed my life. I believe everything happens for a reason and there are lessons and blessings to learn from each situation we encounter.

Times were different when my parents were growing up. Dating outside of one's race was not accepted and they were concerned about the difficulties I might experience. My parents were doing what they thought was best for their daughter. Luckily, times have changed and this is not an issue in today’s society.~

Blessings Embraced:

• Words are powerful

• Unconditional love creates bridges

  
  

Affirmation:

• I see lessons and blessings in all situations.

• I love unconditionally.